Experimenting in the bedroom is no longer something we have to be hush-hush about.
In fact, if you didn’t know, the more open and vulnerable you are about your sex life and sexuality, the better sex you have.
To mark the launch of Season 3 of Sex Education and to celebrate the iconic series, Netflix has released the results of its National Pleasure Survey, which embraces its characters’ individual kinks, fantasies and quirks (you can participate here).
And guess what? Turns out, us Aussies love a bit of experimental sex.
33 per cent of Australian couples said they use sex toys during sex, while another 31 per cent said they loved watching porn together.
It’s not hugely surprising that there has been a surge in sexual exploration within the last year or two, with the combination of lockdowns forcing us to get creative at home (if ya know what I mean) and the rise of sex-positive language and conversations being had on public platforms.
“Representation of positive sex in shows, film and social media has increased heaps, particularly in the last two years,” sexologist Aleeya Hachem tells POPSUGAR Australia.
“People are a lot more willing and open to trying new things.”
“Especially in lockdown, I think there’s been a shift in experimenting with things in the bedroom as couples have become more aware that they can add things and try new things that can give them a sense of novelty.”
35 per cent of Australians own sex toys, which I can pretty confidently bet was not the case even five years ago.
I have personally noticed the imminent rise of self-pleasure content in social media, literature and, as a result, in real-life conversations. It’s been amazing to see TV series like Sex Education, The Girlfriend Experience and Sex/Life come out and be really unapologetic about sexuality, especially from a diverse point of view.
It may seem silly that the things we watch have such a huge impact on us, but we can’t deny that we’re heavily influenced by characters that we love on-screen.
I don’t know many people that got through Mad Men without picking up a glass of whisky, a martini or a cigarette, much like those that are obsessed with Sex Education, being inclined to think and talk about topics that are brought up on the show.
“I love shows like Sex Education, for their diverse character representations, whether it be in sexuality, gender or disability,” Aleeya says.
“It really creates a really good platform to have those conversations around sex and pleasure, and what that looks like for different people.”
The survey also showed that Australians more commonly have sexual fantasies about their BFF or a work colleague than a hottie celeb, with 59 per cent of people agreeing that they’re more likely to fantasise about someone they know and can’t have than someone they’ve never met.
This is interesting because not only does it confirm that almost all of us feel sexually drawn towards taboo scenarios in our fantasies, but it also shows that fantasising about someone you know can build a richer fantasy in your mind.
But our fantasies are often what make us feel guilty because they’re thoughts we don’t want to share… and that’s okay.
“It’s really important that we normalise sexual fantasies,” Aleeya says.
“Just because we fantasise about something specific, doesn’t mean we want to do that with a partner. You could be having fantasies about extreme BDSM, but not actually want to implement it into your sex life.
“Fantasising about someone else also doesn’t mean that you’re going to, or want to, cheat on your partner. A fantasy creates a safe space in our minds, where we play with the different things that we might want to try or just have space to explore things for ourselves, and no one else.”
While many of us are gaining confidence in the bedroom — 59 per cent of millennials rating themselves as “great” lovers — it can still be difficult to break outside your comfort zone.
Whether it’s just about having a conversation with your sexual partner about things you want to try, or whether you’d like to be more physically vulnerable, all change takes time and sometimes it’s best to take it slow.
“It’s all about starting small. Expose yourself to as much as you can that makes you feel comfortable and find some educational resources that you resonate with,” Aleeya recommends.
“Everyone’s level of safety is very different, so just listen to yourself and your body and communicate as honestly and openly as you can.”
To get the conversation started, Aleeya recommends going for a walk or taking a drive. That way, you’re in close physical proximity to each other, but you don’t need to be making eye contact, you’re not in a super vulnerable position and you don’t have to be the sole focus.
Basically, there’s no pressure to up the ante when it comes to your sexual escapades, but it’s just a nice option to know that you have.
Living in a society and with media that is becoming increasingly sex positive, nothing is off-limits, and that can be super liberating.
Season 3 of Sex Education drops on Netflix on September 17.
