Pubic hair is not something to be ashamed of, we know this. But why then, does it still feel uncomfortable to talk about with friends and lovers?
I’ve been pretty comfortable letting my pubic hair grow for a few years now. But even still, I sometimes feel the need to shave it all off. And when it comes to talking about it, I’m not always entirely comfortable (despite currently writing an article for the whole world to see, go figure).
I distinctly remember boys in high school referencing female pubic hair as “gross” and making them “want to vomit”, so naturally, I shaved my V-J-J as soon as I spotted dark brown, wirey pubes growing down there.
But for me, shaving didn’t feel quite right, and a few years later, I tried laser. I did a few rounds, but then decided that it was too expensive, given that I wasn’t actually sure I was ready to part with my pubes forever.
Now, I groom her (yes, my vagina is a “her” and we’re besties) to how I feel any given week. Mostly I trim and tidy, but just let her grow naturally because that’s what I feel most comfortable with. But despite being happy in my body and a self-proclaimed sex-positivity advocate, again, I don’t often find myself engaging or initiating in conversations about pubic hair. I think that’s because I still feel a little torn between what’s “expected” and what feels comfy.
Sexologist and all-round sex-positivity queen Chantelle Otten recently partnered with Gillette Venus (a fab new range of shaving products perfect for sensitive areas, that you can find here), a collab that saw her bring up the pubic hair conversation via Instagram.
We wanted to hear more about what she thinks about pubic hair, why it’s still so uncomfortable to talk about and how we can change our relationship with it.
“Unfortunately, a lot of shame still exists around our bodies and the way they look,” sexologist icon Chantelle Otten tells POPSUGAR Australia.
“We’ve all been conditioned to believe there is a certain way to look beautiful and there is pressure to fit into these standards. It takes time to unlearn these messages and to not feel the need to live up to these expectations.
“Over the past decades, we’ve been taught that pubes are something to
be hidden, something to be ashamed of and something that needs to be groomed a certain way in order to be ‘presentable’ to others.
“They aren’t something that is often seen and it can make people uncomfortable because it shocks them to see something that’s not what they are used to. Pubes might not seem like a big deal, but those little hairs represent a challenge to the norm and that can be uncomfortable for people who aren’t used to doing that.”
It’s so true that we don’t see pubes very often. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a lingerie or swimwear ad that has featured pubes — or any female body hair, for that matter — which absolutely makes the conversation around pubic hair on women feel less accessible.
“For young people, it’s important to see that there is nothing to be ashamed of in having lots of body hair, or a shaving rash around a bikini line,” says Otten. “These aren’t things we need to hide and they’re not something we should be judgemental of when we see them. They are a real part of who we are.”
“Our relationship with our bodies can be complicated and it takes effort to build confidence in who we are. Having visibility in the media and losing a lot of the social media censorship around women and femme body hair, would help normalise pubes and body hair, hopefully empowering people to feel confident expressing their pubes however they want.”
According to Otten, our pubic hair is just another way that we can feel connected to our bodies. Much like with sex, self-pleasure and even relationship structures, discovering what you enjoy and what feels right for you is all part of the journey to true acceptance and happiness.
“It’s so important to know your body and feel connected to the way it works, how it feels and what it looks like. This is a key part of feeling positive about our sexuality. This means taking time to reflect and understand the ways we’ve been conditioned to see our bodies and what we think they should look like.”
“It’s 100% okay whether you shave, wax, grow out a full bush or keep
things nicely trimmed. What matters is being aware of why you keep your pubes the way you do is it because you feel they need to look a certain way to be attractive, or is it because that’s how you like to have them?”
“Embrace your body and the different ways you want to express it!”
A good way to start embracing your hair down there is to talk about it. Openly talking about things that make us uncomfortable is a fab way to break down those walls and previous expectations, and begin to understand how you truly feel.
Below, Chantelle Otten gives us four tips for how to get the pubic hair conversation started among friends, or lovers, or both.
Be Inquisitive, Not Judgmental
“It’s important not to be judgemental when discussing body choices. We all have different bodies and different life experiences, so ask questions but be ready to have open and curious discussions with your friends.”
Start With Something Personal
“Open up the conversation about your own personal perspective first. The more you share about your own situation, the more the conversation become normalised Your friends may lean into that vulnerability and share how they like their pubes to be and why. You could discuss how has
this changed over your lifetimes? We want ourselves and our friends to reflect and make choices based on how we want things to be, rather than how we feel things should be.”
Use Positive Language
“Engage with discussions about pubes and bodies by being positive about yourself first. My initial thought here is when people say to me, ‘Oh, I should have shaved first’. Remember, there is no ‘should’, you can do what you want! Instead say, ‘I think I might shave my pubes tomorrow’. This
shows that you have autonomy to make your own decision based on your wants, rather than what you believe society ‘needs’.”
Cut to the Chase
“Be straightforward and say that you want to talk about pubes! The more you are open, the more you can encourage your friends to have honest discussions about things we’ve often been taught to feel shameful of. Have fun with it and be curious to see things in different ways.”
Here are some conversation-starters…
- I’m re-introducing my love of the landing strip downstairs! It’s been such a long time!
- Am I bringing back 90’s nostalgia with this or has this gone out of fashion?
- I’m going to the beach this weekend and it’s been a moment since I’ve style down below!
- What’s your go-to hairstyle down there?
- I’ve decided to let my pubic hair grow out, I want to see what hairstyle I can get down there! Have you done this before?
- I’m using a new razor to keep the pubes tidy and wow, it’s so amazing to use a proper razor! I notice the difference in comfort! Do you love that feeling?
For more from Chantelle Otten, you can follow her on Instagram here.
