The internet has been ablaze with anger surrounding the new Marilyn Monroe biopic, Blonde.
And honestly, it’s understandable. The film is more an objectification of her pain and struggle than a celebration of her life. They gloss over the intricacies of her childhood in an almost refusal to truly understand her, simplifying her trauma in a way that gives her cliche daddy issues as a way of explanation.
For me, the film really highlighted the media, Hollywood and rich, privileged society’s obsession with female struggle. It reinforces the idea that women are sexier when they’re in pain; an outdated patriarchal view, that is still hidden in plain sight today.
In short, it outraged me.
And, in an unexpected turn of events, Emily Ratajkowski came through with the anger I was feeling, in a beautifully succinct and simple way.
Earlier this week, the newly-single supermodel posted a now-viral TikTok video saying that “she’s not surprised to hear” that Blonde is “yet another movie that fetishises female pain”.
Although I have been one to question Ratajkowski’s opinions on specific topics surrounding feminism and the female experience, the thoughts she communicated in this video really hit home.
“We love to fetishise female pain,” she continued.
“Look at Amy Winehouse, look at Britney Spears, look at the way we obsess over Diana’s death, the way we obsess over dead girls and serial killers… watch any CSI episode and it’s like, screaming this fetishisation of female pain and death.
“I think as women — I can say for myself, for sure — that I’ve learnt how to fetishise my own pain and my own hurt in my life, so that it feels like something that can be tended to; that’s kind of sexy… I think we do that in many many different ways.”
I’ve never thought of it as fetishisation, but I can definitely relate to what she’s saying. There’s this impulse inside of me whenever I’m “in pain”, —whether it be emotional or physical — but especially when it’s female-related (like endometriosis, for example) to make it relatable to men, by playing into this narrative of female pain being sexy.
It’s that thing where you really give in to being looked after, make yourself smaller, kind of weak and troubled-looking, in order to appeal to them and get the support and “help” you want in that moment.
Although we do it all the time probably without even realising it, it can go to extremes in some cases. For example, the concept of a “soft boi” in the modern world of dating, is literally a boy that fantisizes about rescuing a girl from herself.
They actively look for someone with psychological damage, because they find it sexy to be needed by them.
And sure, while we’re becoming more widely aware of just how f*cked up that is, with Instagram accounts like @beam_me_up_softboi poking fun at their toxicity; this concept of fetishising female pain is still extremely prevalent in society and even more so in the media.
Like Ratajkowski says in her TikTok, when we think back on famous women like Princess Diana, Amy Whinehouse, Marilyn Monroe and even others like Grace Kelly, Whitney Houston and Anna Nicole-Smith; what are they most famous for? Their struggle, their pain and ultimately, their death.
Well, Em Rata is over it and TBH, so am I.
“I was thinking about it,” she continues in her TikTok video, “and you know what’s kinda hard to fetishise? Anger.”
“Anger is hard to fetishise. So, I have a proposal. I think we all need to be a little more pissed off. I’m going to be in my Bitch Era. 2022, baby. This is my Bitch Era, I think we should all be in our Bitch Eras.”
“So I’m going to be pissed off when I see this movie, I already know it, but it’s nothing new. And yeah. I’m just going to get angry.”
Honestly? Preach, queen.
We can’t necessarily avoid these narratives from making their way onto our screens, but we can react to them. We can get angry. We can talk about how pissed off we are that films don’t attempt to understand women and rather, are much more interested in fetishising their struggle.
Because really, how can we ever understand someone’s struggle if we just continue to simply romanticise what it looked like on the surface?
We, as women, don’t need to be in pain to be sexy. We don’t need to have died a tragic death, to matter. And also, we don’t need to be sexy when we’re in pain. That’s such an outdated mentality.
So, girls, no more trying to look cute (for others) when you’re on your period. No more pandering to other people’s desires when you’re the one that needs support. No more trying to do less because someone else feels intimidated or overwhelmed by you.
It’s time we communicate to our loved ones, to each other and to the world; that we are actually the sexiest when we’re thriving. And, if that means that we’re alone for a little while? Then good riddance.
