When we think of intimacy, our minds more often than not jump straight to the physical. Having sex, for a lot of us, means stripping back guards and defences and being more vulnerable with others in ways we might not even comprehend until after it’s all said and done. When we enter those serious long-term relationships, intimacy can serve as a foundation helping to keep it together. But what does intimacy mean outside of the bedroom? And can relationships really survive without sex?
For writer, model and dancer Laura Roscioli, learning what intimacy means to her, and what type of intimacy she really craves, has been an ongoing journey. Laura, who actually originated the Love Rants column on POPSUGAR Australia, sat down with the host of POPSUGAR’s Love Rants — the podcast — Melissa Mason to open up about the relationship between sex and intimacy, and detail how her understanding of it is always growing and evolving.
Laura Roscioli on Sex and Intimacy
“I remember having this experience with the guy when I was 14 and he had told me he loved me over MSN,” Laura tells Melissa on the latest episode of POPSUGAR’s Love Rants.
“I was like, OK, this was not 100% what I was hoping for when the first person ever tells me they love me. But like, that’s OK. And I kept sort of being like, oh, it’s fine, it’s fine. But then, in real life, we had this moment where we kissed, and it was just nothing. I remember thinking “Oh my God, I don’t feel the thing that I’m seeing on TV. I’m not feeling that like that moment of magic.”
“As I’ve gotten older those moments have kept happening, and I think it’s one of those things where you just need to go into everything without expectation and following your own feelings. If you’ve got a good feeling about something, then those magical feelings are definitely there.”
But Laura also explains the danger of us all chasing a moment we’ve seen on TV or in a movie, because that moment, and the feelings that come with it, will be different for everyone.
“It’s so dangerous to try and put a mainstream image or description around a feeling because it’s always gonna be different for everybody. Your first kiss is not gonna be like Hillary Duff and Chad Michael Murray in the bleachers under the rain. It’s not because you’re not them.”
But both Laura and Mel are in firm agreement on one thing — if something that feels so romantic that it could be out of a movie happens to you, no matter how insignificant, don’t be afraid to smile about it.
“Stop playing it cool. I’m so sick of people trying to play it cool. This is so lame, but I’m gonna admit it to the world because I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone this. But if I have a really romantic moment with somebody or somebody says something to me that I wanna remember, I put it down in my notes. I’ve got literally a notes section on my phone. It’s often really small stuff but such poignant moments in my life. And every time I’m having a bad day or I watch a really beautiful romantic comedy and I think ‘Oh, I’m alone’, I go and look at these things that have happened and I smile remembering myself at that moment.”
Listen to Laura’s full episode of Love Rants above.
READ MORE: LOVE RANTS
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