Going from long-term relationship to single is overwhelming in many respects, but one of the biggest things to get used to again is having sex with strangers.
It will happen at some stage for every newly single babe who came out of the many retrogrades that have just washed over us, wreaking havoc on our lives and creating some much-needed change. So, when it happens for you, we want you to be ready.
Here are five things to remember when you launch back into the wild, wild world of sex with new people.
Have Active Conversations About Sex
Talking about sex from the start with whoever you’re sleeping with is a way to assure that communication between you two flows throughout. Talk about everything from your past experiences and what you like (and don’t like), to the importance of safe sex, consent and STD history. Just put all your cards on the table.
The more you understand about them sexually, the better sex you’ll have and the safer you’ll feel.
Pay Close Attention to Your Body
Sex has a huge impact on our bodies, especially as people with vaginas. When we start having sex with a new person — or people — our internal flora reacts accordingly.
For many of us, it’s super common to get some sort of bacterial infection when our sexual patterns change. Things like a UTI (urinary tract infection), BV (bacterial vaginosis) or a yeast infection can occur, simply because we’re sleeping with someone new or forgetting to pee after sex.
Especially if you’ve been in a long-term relationship for a while, these things can seriously just slip our minds. Often, they’re not super serious, but they can be extremely uncomfortable and annoying and are best to be treated ASAP.
My advice is to just pay close attention to your bod. If you’re getting more discharge than usual, you notice a different smell, start feeling a bit extra crampy or even just notice a change in moisture down there, go get a quick check up at the doctor.
Ask For What You Want
Life is too short to not have the sex we want to have. If you want to be choked, ask for it. If you want slow, sweet and passionate love-making; ask for it. I’m a big believer in going after the sex you want — as long as the other person is into it too.
Often, when we start sleeping with someone new, we can find ourselves being super cautious and self-aware, because we care about what this new hot person thinks of us. But seriously, you deserve to have the sex you want. And communicating it is honestly such a sexy thing to do.
Find Ways to Help You Relax
Yep, you’re getting naked in front of someone new again. It’s happening and it can be scary, I know.
Finding ways to relax in these moments can be super useful. Whether it’s lighting a candle and a moody lamp and turning big bright lights off, or making yourself a playlist of sensual songs that make you really feel yourself: go ahead and do whatever it is you need to feel comfortable.
It’s nice to remember that in these moments of newness and intimacy, everyone feels a little insecure. Communicate your feelings to your sexual partner if the vibe is right and perhaps even buy yourself something that makes you feel like your sexiest self. It’s time to treat yourself and allow someone else to be a part of that.
Be As Open As Possible
If you’re on your period, let them know. If you’re going through some uncomfortable hormonal changes, share that with them. Being open about the things your body is experiencing with a sexual partner is really important — especially if your relationship goes beyond one-night-stand territory.
I find that sharing my uncomfortable experiences with others, allows them to understand me better, as well as makes me more comfortable experiencing them in front of someone else intimately. For example, I always like to share that I suffer from endometriosis, because it’s a part of my experience and something that I think is important for others to be aware of. That way, if I have a super painful period and don’t feel like having sex, or if I randomly feel nauseous when we’re out on a dinner date, it relieves the tension from both sides and allows for support and care.
