5 Ways to Help a Friend Who Has an Eating Disorder, According to Psychologists

Depictions of eating disorders in the media often center on thin, white women – think: To the Bone and Skins, for example – but eating disorders can affect people of all identities. This lack of representation can cause people who don’t “fit the mold” to be ignored, ridiculed, or discriminated against, and may prevent them from getting adequate treatment, if they get treatment at all.

As someone close to them, it’s important that you validate your friend’s experiences with disordered eating. “If your friend is living in a fat body, a Black or brown body, [or] any other marginalized body, let them know that you believe them and you see them,” Miranda Nadeau, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist in Texas, told POPSUGAR. “Know that your friend has probably been doubted and dismissed many times over, even by well-intentioned helpers.”

Christine M. Peat, PhD, director of the National Center of Excellence For Eating Disorders, added: “You can also help be a source of support or encouragement when they face marginalization, just like you would regarding non-eating disorder experiences.” In other words, just like you would reassure a friend that they deserve fair, equitable treatment in any other part of their life, you should demand the same for their eating disorder.

Even when we have the best intentions, our implicit biases can interfere with our ability to support someone who’s struggling with an eating disorder. “We all grew up with harmful messages around bodies and eating, and it’s no wonder that so many of us, especially women, struggle with concerns related to eating,” Dr. Nadeau explained. “Being supportive of a friend with an eating disorder means you’ll need to challenge some of your own ideas that may sneak their way into your friendship.” She recommends learning more about fatphobia and the Health at Every Size (HAES) movement. “[This] will empower you to show up as an authentically caring, supportive presence in your friend’s life,” Dr. Nadeau said.

While you can play an important role in supporting a friend with an eating disorder, it’s vital that they also get professional help. “You can help them research treatment options and accompany them to a first appointment, if they’d like you to,” Dr. Peat told POPSUGAR. The National Eating Disorders Association lists the types of treatment and therapy available, and Psychology Today has a database of mental health professionals.

As a friend, it’s best not to assume that you know what they need most right now – so, ask them. “If they’re looking for support during meal times, offer to eat with them. If they’re looking for a way to relax, watch a movie together. Remind them that your friendship is about so much more than the eating disorder,” Dr. Peat said.

“For people who are in recovery for an eating disorder, it can be triggering to hear well-meaning comments that draw attention to their bodies.’You look so great,’ or ‘You look healthy,’ can be challenging to hear on a good day, even though they might sound great to your ears,” Dr. Nadeau explained. Instead of commenting on their physical appearance, “focus on other changes you see in them, like how their attitude has shifted or you notice they have more energy about them.”