I Just Rewatched New York Minute and Have 50 Very Important Thoughts

Netflix’s early 2000s movie collection has brought back to my attention one of the most iconic and influential movies from my childhood: New York Minute. I mean, how could I forget about the last movie the fashionable twins Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen made together? I watched it consistently at sleepovers, and it’s probably what sparked my dream to someday live in New York City.

I couldn’t remember the last time I watched it, but when I scrolled past it on Netflix, I knew I needed to take a trip down memory lane. It’s been 16 years since it was released, so please enjoy my thoughts and observations as I rewatch New York Minute:

1. This dream sequence is more intricate and intense than any dream I’ve ever had.
2. Oh, how much I wanted to be as put-together as Jane Ryan when I was younger. (I definitely bought a fancy day planner when I was 8 years old, but did I use it? Nope.) Now I realize that I am definitely more of a messy, sleep-in type like Roxy.
3. Roxy just got an IM for a Simple Plan music video. I think I completely wiped instant messaging from my brain.
4. Jane’s cleanliness is already going overboard. I mean, putting down two toilet seat covers to use your own bathroom seems a bit extreme. Meanwhile, Roxy has a database for fake illnesses to get out of school. Jane is iconic, and Roxy is borderline genius.
5. Holy cow, both of their morning routines are extremely long. I can’t imagine having time to cook a full breakfast or have a drum sesh before I head to class.
6. Arnold Schwarzenegger sighting. Did he agree to be photoshopped into this picture?
7. Ah yes, Eugene Levy as Detective Max Lomax, the truancy officer obsessed with catching Roxy Ryan. How could I forget!
8. Roxy’s mission of going to a music video shoot, finding the producers, giving them her band’s CD, and securing a contract seems like a lot to put on the band’s drummer. But hey! If anyone can do it, it’s Roxy.
9. Alright, Lomax is creepily obsessed with Roxy. A chalkboard with her name on it and walls covered in Roxy’s face gives me serial killer vibes, and I am not about it.
10. If I were this man in the middle of Jane and Roxy, I would have moved to a new seat immediately.

11. Enter the cute guy on a bike who accidentally rips Jane’s skirt! Is this love at first sight?
12. OK, so someone slips something into Roxy’s bag without her noticing, and then she accepts a free ride from some man? I know pre-Uber/Lyft days must have been tough, but if anything, Jane should know better than to get in a car with a stranger.
13. Bennie’s Chinese accent is offensive, and would not fly if this movie were made today. Plus, he’s already a terrible criminal.
14. I definitely learned the breaking off the heels to make your shoes into flats trick from this movie.
15. Did Jane getting a slushie to the face inspire Glee? I hope so.
16. Bennie and his criminal family are selling pirated music. This is soooo 2004.
17. “We’re with the band.” = Access to a fancy hotel despite Jane and Roxy smelling like sewer water and alcohol. Hey, whatever works, right?
18. OMG! Jared Padalecki is in this? And he’s shirtless!
19. I am reassured that “Hey Baby” by No Doubt is still a bop in 2020.
20. They really just threw the little doggy Reinaldo out of the window. I know he isn’t the cutest dog in the world, but come on!

21. Reinaldo is okay despite eating a computer chip, but Jane and Roxy are climbing on the ledge of the Plaza Hotel in a towel and bathrobe to get him back. Is nobody on the street concerned about this?
22. Hey, the man from the train is also staying at the Plaza Hotel. What a coincidence!
23. And the guy on the bike is back! What is his name?
24. Bob Saget aka Danny Tanner has made a cameo. My Full House heart is bursting.
25. Is anybody concerned that Trey and the guy on the bike aren’t in school? How old are these boys?!
26. Roxy gets into the Simple Plan music video shoot and somehow pushes her way to the stage to give her CD to the record producers . . . if only it were that easy.
27. Lomax catches Roxy, but falls for the old “your fly is down” trick. No wonder Roxy keeps has never been caught.
28. “Has everybody washed their hands?” Jane asks as she’s CROWD SURFING. I’m screaming.
29. Mystery bike man has a name and it is Jim!
30. Jane and Roxy enter the House of Bling after climbing out of a sewer, and Big Shirl and her team are somehow down to fix their hair and makeup. And she’s giving them a variety of outfits to choose from. I love the montage, but aren’t they in a time crunch?

31. Big Shirl just let them use her car, which happens to be a taxi. I hope she isn’t expecting to get that back.
32. No way!! Bob from Schitt’s Creek is in this? Are he and Eugene Levy friends? I need answers!
33. This is the third time Jane and Roxy have run into the man from the train, and he has spilled coffee on himself twice. TBH, I would have stayed home after the first time.
34. Lomax’s obsession with Roxy is honestly creeping me out. He’s having a full on car chase with them in Bob’s RV right now.
35. Roxy is desperately trying to have a heart to heart with her sister, and Jane is not having it. Ugh, cue the sad music.
36. I know Bennie is a criminal, but leaving his limo unlocked is such a rookie mistake.
37. Roxy is here to save the day! She’s at Columbia with Jane’s day planner, and she’s going to get her sister this fellowship.
38. Honestly, how many times is Jim going to run over Jane with his bike? This is like the third time it’s happened. Is he stalking her?
39. Roxy is about to give Jane’s speech for the McGill Fellowship, and she’s wearing a maroon and cheetah print tracksuit while everyone else is dressed in suits and blazers. Honestly I am here for it.
40. Jim is biking over a bunch of cars with Jane and Reinaldo on the back. He’s on X-Games mode!

41. Of course, Roxy drops Jane’s notecards on her way to the stand, which are somehow binder clipped together and not placed in the little plastic slots in the day planner like they had been throughout the movie. Yes, I noticed!
42. OMG, the man from the train who the twins keep running into is THE Hudson McGill of the McGill Fellowship! Did he not hear Jane talking about how close she was to winning the scholarship on the train?
43. “-onomy is pig latin for money.” Honestly, kinda?
44. Roxy is quoting “Complicated” by Avril Lavigne. This is amazing and Trey cheering her on makes this moment even better.
45. And now she’s saying, “Will the real Jane Ryan please stand up?” Eminem is quaking.
46. Lomax is here and so is Bennie and his family. Chaos is ensuing, but all I care about is Reinaldo’s safety. That pup has been through a lot today!
47. Bob just called Lomax the “guy with the eyebrows” which is the correct way to describe Eugene Levy.
48. Jane and Roxy are apologizing! Finally, the sisterhood moment I’ve been waiting for!
49. And now Jane gets the scholarship! How she got it? Couldn’t tell you, but they did it!
50. Fast forward to Summer, and everything is finally working out for the Ryan twins. Trey is going on tour with Roxy and her band in London, and Jim just revealed he’s transferring to a university in England to be near Jane! And Lomax is now a real cop! Man, I love happy endings.

Honestly, this might be the best Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen movie they ever made. This is their most recent movie together, and they definitely saved the best for last! The storyline is fun, their outfits are iconic, and it’s jam packed with fun co-stars. It was entertaining and enjoyable in 2004, and brings back all the nostalgia and mems in 2020. Not surprised that all these years later New York Minute is still amazing!