Should I Care That My Boyfriend Watches Porn?

Whether watched as a means of learning new tricks or to simply help us get ourselves off, porn is a normal part of the sexual experience. With porn that caters to a range of kinks and user preferences, there’s truly something out there for us all, no matter how often you choose to engage with it or how. 

“Some watch for fun, some watch to build arousal, some may be regular viewers and others many watch rarely,” said We-Vibe ambassador and certified Australian sex coach Georgia Grace.

While a helpful tool of arousal and imagination for singles, porn use doesn’t always cease when we enter new relationships — nor does it need to. Because despite some people’s protestations of their partners watching porn in a relationship, the act of doing so is totally normal, and can actually be beneficial to all people in the partnership.

Grace acknowledges people will have their own individual boundaries around porn, and suggests that instead of judgement, we seek to understand our own and our partner’s respective preferences. 

“When it comes to sex — the word ‘normal’ is a stretchy word. What is normal for one person won’t be normal for the next. Instead of asking is it normal — ask yourself, how do I feel about this? Is it serving me in a way that feels useful? What are my boundaries? Get a sense of how it feels for you instead of comparing yourself to others.”

Furthermore, a person’s desire to watch porn while in a relationship doesn’t mean they’re missing something with you. It’s a common misconception that’s only increased the taboo around the act. 

“People watch porn for a range of reasons — it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong or missing with you/your relationship. Also fantasies are allowed to be just that — a fantasy. Often, people will never want to act out their fantasies or the porn they watch,” said Grace. 

The Benefits of Watching Porn In a Relationship

If you’re unsure of why you or your partner may wish to keep porn around now that you have each other for intimacy, it might interest you to know the benefits. 

“When consumed in a mindful, aware and self-regulated way, there are certainly many good things that can be learnt from ethical, consensual porn,” said Grace.

For starters, “It can be a great tool to learn how to have sex and to set realistic expectations of bodies (all the hairy, jiggly, fluidy, beautiful mess!) Porn can also be inspiring and sensual, showing you new ways to play with yourself or your partner.”

Even better, “Porn can inform your eroticism – exposing you to, and allowing you to, exploring your fantasies in a safe and respectful environment.”

Watching Porn Together

Some couples will choose to watch porn solo, while others find watching porn together to be a huge turn-on. Again, it’s up to you and your personal preferences as to whether you’d be into it. 

“Many couples choose to watch porn together, to build arousal, try something new, have fun or explore fantasies without needing to do it IRL. If you’re curious about this, ask your partner if they’d be into it too and find a genre that is exciting for both of you. 

“Remember — the best, most ethical porn is typically porn you pay for, so invest in your pleasure together.”

An Open Discussion

If either you or your partner feel uncomfortable with porn in the relationship, then the best course of action is to communicate openly around your feelings. “As with all sexual concerns in a relationship — the best thing to do is speak about it,” Grace said. 

“I understand how tricky it can feel bringing this up, so try saying something like, ‘I’d really like to speak with you about porn watching habits — when would be a good time to chat?’ 

“Don’t forget that there are some great practitioners and therapists who can support you in approaching this and working through it as a couple, you don’t have to do it on your own.”