LOVE RANTS: Is Holiday Romance The Most Intense of All? 3 Lovers and an Expert Weigh In

Some of the greatest love stories of our lives happen overseas. For me, it was the perfectly cliche Italian man who drank more gin & tonics than he did water and asked me on a date before he even knew my name.

The dream-like days we spent caressing each other’s skin in the sun, riding bikes through the narrow cobbled streets of Venice in the chaos of summer, eating gelato and devouring glistening slices of pizza as often as we were devouring each other are days that I will likely never forget.

I’m not sure why these experiences of love in foreign places impact us so deeply. Perhaps it’s because when we’re overseas we let our guards down; we’re open to new experiences and therefore are more open to emotional vulnerability and adventure.

Relationship therapist Dr Tammy Nelson says that relationships often happen overseas, because a lot of people become someone new when in a new place.

“For many people, a different part of their personality emerges when they are in a strange place, away from people they know, which allows us to explore what it feels like to be a new person,” Nelson says.

“This results in many people being more extroverted, flirting more, and taking risks and even crossing lines into affairs and indiscretions if the hook up is brief and unlikely to follow the person home.”

I can’t help but wonder; what if we were that version of ourselves all the time? What would our lives — and our love lives — look like?

I chatted to three people who have experienced an impactful love in a foreign place. One intense and fleeting, one full of life lessons and one that ended in a happily ever after.

“Her mind, body and soul absolutely dazzled me” — James

In late 2014 I moved to Los Angeles with my girlfriend, L. We were both 24, madly in love and ready to build a life together. After living in The Hills for a few months, things started to change. I was incredibly social and outgoing while my partner was more introverted and preferred time at home. As a 24-year-old, I partied a lot which drove a wedge between us, until one day she suggested opening our relationship and asking another girl to join us in the bedroom.

At first, I was hesitant, it wasn’t something I’d ever really thought about before, but it certainly didn’t take much convincing. Along came B, an LA native, daughter of a real estate tycoon and goddaughter of one of Hollywood’s most bankable stars. She was strong, independent and beautiful. For the first few weeks, it was bliss. We explored every part of each other, spent days on end just the three of us and taught each other things that I’ll never forget.

At first I felt like it was bringing me and L back to each other, but on a trip we all took to Vegas, I realised that it would ultimately be what drove us apart. I found myself trying to steal every alone moment I possibly could with B. We would both try and sneak away at the same time, offering lame excuses as to what we were each doing. One night we tipped a bathroom attendant $50 to give us half an hour alone in a cubicle. B was like my own personal brand of heroin, everything she said, everything she did, the way she walked, the way she spoke, her mind, body and soul absolutely dazzled me.

We continued to see each other in secret for a while after we left Vegas, I soon stopped sleeping in the same room as L, and suggested she go back to Australia earlier than me, which she did. The divide between us was obvious, yet neither of us had the skills to communicate it properly, or we were just too scared to properly let go. I drove her to the airport and dropped her off. Straight after, I picked up B and a suitcase full of her belongings, she moved in with me that night and for the next little while we were inseparable.

As beautiful as she was, it was her mind that captured me most. Here was a woman who had grown up with so much privilege, yet she forced herself to work for everything she had, never once accepting a job because of her connections. She made certain that every opportunity she had was based on merit. She was caring in a way I hadn’t experienced before and her emotional maturity was unlike anything i’d ever encountered. Her determination, her lust for life and her unwavering optimism awakened something in me that changed my life forever and the sex, well, to this day it was the best I’ve ever had.

We understood each other on every level. She was like sunshine dancing on the water. Every moment together lasted an eternity and we drank in every part of each other. She took a part of my soul and gave me a piece of hers. Three days before I was due to come back to Melbourne for Christmas, she asked me to marry her. I said yes and in that moment, I meant it. Her dad bought us a first-class trip to celebrate, which I promised we’d take once I got back.

I came back to Melbourne and L picked me up from the airport. Right then, I realised that it’s possible to love two people at once. It was as though landing back in Australia brought me back to reality, and I remembered everything I loved about L, we were building a life together and I felt like that deserved my attention. But the trust was broken and there was no going back.

B asked me to come back; she wanted us to try. I said I couldn’t. We still follow each other on Instagram and all three of us haven’t had a serious relationship since. But I never saw B again.

“I was feeling lost” — Hannah

It was my friend’s birthday and I’d announced that I was leaving London and going back to Australia for Christmas. After three years of living in London, with a great career and amazing friends; I was feeling lost. I felt socially disconnected to my environment because so many of my friends and co-workers were in relationships and I wasn’t. I felt constantly conscious of not wanting to intrude on their time together when they invited me out and also knew that I wanted a love connection of my own. I decided that I wanted to go back home, because maybe that’s where I belonged; that’s where I would find love.

With that decision firmly in my mind, I hit the bar carefree. I’d turned off my prowess-mode; there would be no looking for potential husbands that night. That was until a rugged and handsome man with a charming French accent approached me at the bar. His name was Leo, and he offered to buy me a drink. I was very drunk by this stage, so I declined, but my girlfriend insisted (bless her). So, I headed to the bar and started a convo with this charming stranger.

That conversation led to an exchange of phone numbers and two weeks later he called!

Our first date was at a bar in London. I played along with his assumption that I must be a decent full-time surfer, given I grew up near Bells Beach. He corrected my drunken memories of our conversations from the night we met weeks prior — turns out he was an architect and NOT a primary school teacher. We hit it off (I’m sure his idea of me being a surfer helped) and began dating. Obviously my plans to move back home changed. I moved in with him 4 months later.

By that Christmas I met his mum and sisters who lived in Dorset. Then, we travelled to the French Alps where I met his dad and extended relatives, most who spoke very little English. I didn’t speak much French either; which meant we had to communicate over wine and cheese (what a shame).

Fast forward two years and he moved to Australia with me. We bought our first home together in Footscray and had our first daughter soon after. Today, we are living in Jan Juc on the Surf coast have had another daughter. My eldest daughter and I are taking French lessons so that we can communicate better with his family who we’re hoping to see soon.

I never imagined needing to learn a new language. I feel so blessed that the world brought me Leo and to me, our journey has been really impactful an rewarding.

“Come visit me in Italy” — Marta

I’ve had so many journeys of the heart, but none quite as lingering as this one.

My soul just wants to be in foreign places. I’ll get a little Astro here. My sun sign in Pisces, rules the 12th house. It’s the last zodiac, the last house. It’s the place you go to escape reality or transcend to the after life. That’s literally where it was sitting when I came into the world. So in a nutshell, I was born to seek out foreign places. It activates something gooey in me. 

It began with saying goodbye to a short sweet romance between myself and a young Sardinian man in my home town, Townsville, QLD. I was in love, so in love. We fell in love while teaching each other words and phrases. I loved learning a new way of doing things. New foods and books and music. He had my heart. 

Months go by and we’re sending each other love texts whenever we can. I’m packing my old house up and I find all of these love notes he’s left behind for me. Things like “it was all so perfect” and “come visit me in Italy”. 

When I found these my heart literally exploded. I bought my first passport and pulled together every coin I had to buy flights. I left my little life in Australia for what I was sure was love.

I flew to Rome to meet the man who said he missed me. And it’s different. 

He feels different, looks different, the months have made him sound different. We struggle to jump into each other’s arms the same way we used to. It’s hard to believe that we didn’t want to let go half a year before. But it’s day one and I’m patient and I made the effort to see him and show him I’m capable of learning more. 

We spent two months together travelling around Italy, Germany, Sardinia, England, Portugal & Spain. I lived with his family, I met his friends, I cooked for his family. No one spoke English.

I often wondered why I was there, I often thought of why I came and why he wanted me to come. Our communication didn’t improve, and I learned that he’s super stubborn; I have to learn his way, their way. I compared myself to Italian women because I was told to lose weight. I’ll never forget that.

I started to break down. Everything was too much and it was overwhelming. Time was running out, money was running out and I was facing the reality that I might not see him again. Everyone started asking if we were getting married and he never responded. He never spoke about the future of even asked why I was there. I felt like an intruder.

When we took his parents to Spain, that was when we finally began to remember each other and this love we’d once had. His mum squeezes my hand on the train and pulls me onto her lap. She hugged me because she hadn’t been on the metro before. 

And then, it’s over. I cried, I said goodbye and I went home, still crying. I was jet-lagged and woke up thinking I was still in Italy. He tells me he’s going to start studying. We break up.

It still feels like a fever dream. I went on about my life, but I left my heart behind. It’s been in Italy ever since.

*Due to privacy, pseudonyms have been used in some areas of this article, however, all interviewees are known to POPSUGAR Australia.