I Had A Dream I Got Married and It Made Me… Confused

Last night, I dreamt that I got married. Thankfully, it was to my current boyfriend (if it hadn’t been, that would’ve been awkward), but the fake wedding wasn’t at all what I expected.

I think I’ve always assumed that I’d get married one day. I come from a pretty traditional Italian family, where weddings are basically the motivation for falling in love.

They’re that big family affair when you invite all the family members and friends from every corner of the globe, wear a big white dress, get drunk on champagne and gloat about the perfect life you’re going to live with your chosen “one”.

As I’ve grown up, I’ve watched the meaning behind marriage change. As female voices have become louder and women have started to feel more empowered to speak their truths, our genders are more fluid and equal than ever before.

Marriage was originally designed to be a financial agreement, to keep a woman “safe” and financially secure, while she’s having and looking after children and not working. As a concept, it further ingrained these gendered roles that we push hard against today, which in turn, has made the concept of marriage feel a bit redundant.

Even still, I’m a romantic at heart and believe that a day of celebrating love with a few traditional elements is something I’d personally really enjoy.

We’re not living in 1910, so I don’t know that it’s fair to see marriage as a contract that binds you to another person, anymore. It’s more like a traditional party, that you can prescribe whatever meaning you like to and a memorable moment that marks your commitment of love to another person.

As I imagine it now, it could be really beautiful.

In my dream, however, I was slightly underwhelmed. It was like getting to Christmas Day, and realised it’s way less fun than the big lead-up.

Everything went perfectly. I was wearing a beautiful dress. My parents were both there. I was marrying someone I truly love. And we had a cake and a big party with singing and dancing. But none of it felt overly out of the ordinary, and it was over so quickly that it almost felt like it didn’t happen.

I woke up all hot and bothered, with a glimmer of concern that I had actually gotten married. As I turned over and saw my boyfriend there, all cuddled up to his linen pillow, safe to say I felt relieved.

So, did I not want to get married after all?, I considered.

Perhaps the idea of committing to one person “forever” is the actual scary part. Today’s young society often talk about the unrealistic nature of looking for “the one” and we’re annoyingly realistic about the fact that it’s impossible to get everything you need from one person.

However, new research has come out from Ashley Madison, the world’s leading married dating site, that says otherwise. The research reveals that 59% of single Gen Z (born between 1997 – 2015) members, desire a monogamous relationship. While 55% don’t want to get married, they still believe in the search for “the one”.

It’s actually nice to know that there are still fellow romantics out there, but I guess I’m not surprised. It’s really great that we’re able to have open, transparent and bold conversations on topics surrounding relationships within our current society and that we seem to balance ourselves out with realists and hopeless romantics.

I often agree with people that reckon they can’t get everything from one partner, but I would argue that finding your “one” and choosing to commit to them, won’t always look and feel the same.

45% of Gen Z Ashley Madison members say that monogamy is the ideal relationship structure and it works for them, which isn’t to say that they want to get married or that they have old fashioned, gendered ideals about relationships.

Monogamy is getting a bit of a bad wrap right now. In our current social climate of aggressive independence, being ‘tied down’ to someone doesn’t seem like the juiciest and most empowering option.

But I can attest to monogamy. When you find the right person, they don’t have to be your “one”, just a “one”, that suits you and makes you feel loved and safe. If that’s the case, then these traditional ideas don’t seem so impossible.

The best part about living in such a brutally honest world is that we get to reconstruct these old frameworks of monogamy and marriage into concepts that work for us.

“It looks like the latest generation of daters is rewriting the rules society laid out for us a long time ago”, says Isabella Mise, Ashley Madison’s director of communications. “More and more, we’re hearing a desire, especially from our younger members, to design their own version of what it means to live a monogamous life.”

For me, I’d still like to wear a beautiful white dress one day and have confetti thrown over my veil as I run down the steps of a vineyard and into a life of love. But that’s just me.