A Definitive Ranking of the Bachelors and Bachelorettes of Stardew Valley

Stardew Valley: a perfect place to escape the monotony of office life and give yourself over to the monotony of farm work instead. While the mining, farming and fishing are all fun parts of this sim, the best part is romancing the villagers.

Pelican Town might be small, but there are plenty of eligible bachelors and bachelorettes to choose from — and you can choose either, no matter what gender you make your farmer. But all these choices can also make it hard to decide on a spouse, so we’re here to help with a (not at all personal) definitive ranking of the Stardew Valley romances.

Stardew Valley Bachelors, Ranked

#6 Shane

I really don’t get the Shane appeal. He’s rude and abrasive, and while he has his moments of redemption, he doesn’t really seem to take change seriously because he starts drinking again after you’re married and he’s a lazy husband. Are the blue chickens a cool touch? Yes. But that’s not enough! I didn’t move to Stardew Valley to become responsible for fixing a man, just for him to settle into a cushy life at my farm while I work and he eats pizza rolls and drinks beer.

#5 Harvey

The Venn diagram of people who love Harvey and people with absent dads is a circle. Harvey is hard to get a hold of; he’s always working or frazzled and never seems all that happy to run into you. As far as gifting, his tastes are bougie and harder to acquire. And his condescending “That seems unhealthy,” response to almost every food item you can gift him doesn’t do him any favors. He also creeps on Maru, his young employee (!!!), which takes away from the whole “sweet” thing he’s supposed to have going on.

#4 Alex

Alex is easy to start up a relationship with, I’ll give him that. You can count on him to be standing outside his grandparents’ house, tossing a football and welcoming you with a “Hey, farmer,” and sharing an anecdote about his workout regimen or how much he loves his grandma Evelyn. Evelyn is kind of a grandma figure to everyone in Stardew Valley, but making it official by marrying into the family is maybe Alex’s biggest appeal. But if you play as a male farmer, you get some homophobic comments from his grandpa, which is less appealing. Getting with Alex is also the only way you can have an event in the back room of Gus’ saloon, which is pretty cool.

#3 Sam

Sam is sweet, but he’s immature. When I realized his romance involved sneaking into his bedroom to *redacted* I was put off, but maybe if I was playing this game as a teen it wouldn’t have bothered me. While he’s not the most accessible bachelor (he can be hard to find!), his dialogue is positive and cheerful, and he seems like a genuinely good guy. Plus, if you marry him, he adds a sweet half pipe to your backyard and he becomes a great dad. Sam is cute and loyal: the golden retriever of Stardew Valley bachelors.

#2 Elliott

Elliott looks like he’s been plucked off a romance novel cover, which is certainly appealing. He’s one of two canonically queer romance options in the game (he and Leah are the only ones who won’t say they’ve “never felt this way” about a same-sex farmer) and he’s a poet who lives by the sea. But also like Leah, he has expensive tastes: squid ink is one of his favourite gifts — naturally, as a writer who probably dips his quill in it to scribe his poems. But he’ll recite you sweet poems when you’re married and he cooks for you more often than other bachelors, which is a plus.

#1 Sebastian

No matter what I do, it always comes back to him. I simply can’t ignore the loner emo kid whose job no one takes seriously and who wants to escape to the city but also thinks maybe there’s something good in quiet living. Does it sting when he says he needs a day to himself once a week when we’re married? It used to, but now I get it. I also need time to myself. Sebastian isn’t threatened by how hard I work and I don’t resent him for spending lots of time reading comics. He doesn’t force me to socialise. He takes care of the kids. And he takes you for a sweet ride on his motorcycle, which is maybe the most romantic cutscene in the whole game.

Stardew Valley Bachelorettes, Ranked

#6 Penny

Penny is sweet, but she’s got an edge to her. She’s seen how ugly the world can be and, while she tries to stay optimistic, reality can crush her and it shows in her dialogue. Being the only resident of Pelican Town who lives in a trailer is tough, especially since she shares that trailer with her mean drunk of a mum, Pam. Penny finds solace in books and trying to make a difference in other people’s lives. Her biggest dream is to have a family, and if you marry her, you can give her that, which is nice, but if you don’t want kids, she’s probably not the one for you.

#5 Leah

Leah is what cottagecore dreams are made of: a queer artist who moved to the country to pursue her art dreams. While her tastes are kind of expensive (goat cheese, wine and truffles — she’s a woman of luxury), she’s also impressed with anything you can forage. Sustainable queen! When you’re married, she likes to offer you her little foraged items, which is sweet but aren’t as valuable as the items and meals other spouses offer. It’s very cute to watch her work on her art in your yard.

#4 Emily

Emily is the local astrology and crystal witch, which is probably perfect marriage material for a subset of Stardew Valley players. My favorite thing about Emily is her boldness — I mean, the girl straight-up dances for you, kind of making a fool of herself, but she feels no shame. Her clothing design aspirations are admirable and result in a hilarious fashion show cutscene, which is worth romancing her for alone. She also makes a cute crystal garden outside if you marry her, which is an adorable addition. A great choice, truly.

#3 Abigail

Let’s be real: Abigail is one of the most fun characters in the game. She loves to eat gems, she plays a flute in the rain and she hangs out by the wizard’s tower. She’s always genuinely happy to see you, and her cutscenes are great: you play video games with her, use a ouija board and hang out at the graveyard. Abigail is also one of the rare spouses who gives you useful random gifts, like void essences, bombs and gems. And if you marry her, you can fulfill her lifelong dream of owning a cat. Won’t it feel good to do that?

#2 Maru

Maru is more intimidating than other Stardew Valley romance options because she doesn’t give you any shy or aloof dialogue. I think I jumped the first time she asked me if I had any interesting farm stories, then quickly followed with “I guess not.” She’s a busy girl — working at Harvey’s clinic during the day and tinkering on science projects at night — with a lot going for herself, so she isn’t easily impressed. And she shouldn’t be! But once you win her over, she’s one of the best romances, offering you cool gifts she made with her own two hands like a warp totem or rice pudding. Her biggest downside is that she reminds me that Sebastian is engaged to Abigail before you arrive, and that’s not something I like to think about.

#1 Haley

In my first play through, I’ll admit that I, like many, was put off by Haley. It’s hard to keep putting yourself out there to someone who is kind of mean. But in my first play through I also thought Alex was my only option because he was the only one who seemed willing to give me the time of day. Imagine how sad that would have been! Once you’re on her good side, Haley is fun and charming. And it’s not hard to get close to her, because she loves daffodils and they’re free and bountiful! When she starts to warm up to you and you learn more about her, like her photography dreams, Haley becomes incredibly sweet. As your wife, she cooks and bakes for you all the time, and offers you kind words and positivity every day. You just can’t go wrong here.