Conflicted About Jason Momoa Being Cast as Frosty the Snowman? Yeah, Same Here

Welp, today in news I never could’ve possibly predicted, even with help from the most powerful crystal ball on Earth: Jason Momoa is set to voice Frosty the Snowman in a live-action remake of the classic holiday film. Yes, you read that correctly. The unavoidably sexy star of Aquaman is swapping his trident for a corncob pipe to play the role of a jolly, seemingly innocent character that would be borderline sacrilegious to thirst after. To be honest, when I first learned about this out-of-left-field news, my initial thought was, “Wait, did the clocks roll back and it’s April Fools’ Day again?” But upon further reflection (and repeated glances at my calendar), I’ve decided to chalk it up to 2020 just doing its thing and continuing to deliver curveball after curveball.

So far, there aren’t too many details about the forthcoming Frosty the Snowman film, but I can tell you that it’s being produced by Warner Bros. and Stampede Ventures, and David Berenbaum, the screenwriter of Elf, is responsible for the script. Oh, and according to Deadline, it’s a hybrid between CGI and live action, so my money’s on it resembling something along the lines of the Cats movie, for better or for worse.

Needless to say, the lack of details has left me and my fellow POPSUGAR editors with a flurry of pressing questions about Momoa’s upcoming role. Will we ever receive the rightful answers to these inquiries? Not likely. But are we still passionately listing them ahead regardless? You betcha.

• To start and perhaps most crucial: will Momoa be shirtless for the entirety of the movie? I mean, the OG Frosty doesn’t wear any clothes because, y’know, he’s a snowman, so it’s only fair we keep this detail consistent.
• A related follow-up: if this new CGI snowman is indeed shirtless, will he have a more chiseled, less rotund midsection as a nod to Momoa’s abs? I’m highly curious to see how his toned physique will accurately translate into tubby snowman form.
• On a scale from 1-10, how wrong is it to be attracted to Frosty the Snowman? Because I’m presently thinking it’s a solid 11, but I need someone to talk me down and preemptively reassure me.
• Will his tattoos be visible? If so, those’ll be an absolute mess to edit when he starts to melt.
• Did Momoa’s real-life penchant for top hats like Frosty’s have anything to do with this casting?
• You know how the “Frosty the Snowman” song mentions him having “a button nose”? Are they planning to remix that line since Momoa has a regular ol’ human nose? Better yet, will the CGI replace his human nose with a red button?
• Will actors from DC Comics movies be playing the other roles in this film? Perhaps Ryan Reynolds can voice Santa Claus?
• What’s the new-and-improved Frosty’s vibe going to be like? Are the producers gleaning inspiration from other famous snowmen like Olaf from Frozen or the sad Campbell’s Soup commercial snowman?
• Has Frosty the Snowman always secretly been a snack and we just never realized? I mean, the whole sacrificing himself for his friend Karen’s sake is pretty darn chivalrous.
• So, first Momoa was Aquaman, and now he’s Frosty the Snowman. I’m sensing a theme here. What other form of H2O will his next role tap into . . . perhaps ice? Sleet? Vapor? The possibilities are endless!
• Just spitballing here, but could this technically be considered a prequel to Aquaman? Because, like, Frosty melts into a pile of water? Too far? I’ll see myself out.